Forever young

This weekend is 4th of July weekend! Yay!
I don't have any plans, although I'm sure something will come up.

I have been such a closed off person for most of my life. And a lot why I haven't who I am is because I bury so much deep down inside and never let anyone, including myself, dig it up. And some things have been buried so deep, for so long, that I've forgotten they were ever even a part of me in the first place. That is what makes me both desirable, and undesirable. It makes me seem interesting at first, but then just gets annoying after a while. I don't want to hide things. I want to find someone I'm able to share all of me with. I don't play games, so I don't want my insecurities to seem as though I'm doing so. I don't even know how to being the game.

 I want someone to love me for me, and not expect to be able to change me, like people before have assumed they could. I am me, and I will never change for anyone but myself. I want someone who makes me want to be a better version of me. I want someone who doesn't care what hair color I have, or that I carry a few extra pounds on my hips, but that I have a genuine heart and I'm serious about my profession. I want someone who won't see all of my flaws as flaws, but as quirks that make me, me. I want someone who shares common views as me, but is different enough to keep our relationship alive and interesting. I want someone with a crooked tooth and a bunch of scars. Someone REAL. I want kids, and a family. I want a lifetime of happiness with someone who is willing to let me in, and make them happy. I want to provide for someone, and take care of them. I want a wedding, and a commitment. I've just been to scared to admit I want all of these things with one person because I'm so afraid of commiting to someone who's going to let me dream all of this up, and plan our lives together, let me get my hopes up just to let me down.
I'm so glad I'm able to figure myself out and what I want and need and still be so young.

But until my prince(ss) charming comes riding in on their white horse....

I'm content with my little family I already have. My little girl, and my happy non-husband-might-as-well-be-except-we're-both-gay-but-do-everything-a-married-couple-does-except-be-intimate-room-mate.

Have I mentioned how awesome my room mate is? He's incredible. He is the GREATEST thing that came out of my last relationship. He was good friends, and a former room mate of my x-gf. He's another reason why I'm SUCH a firm believer in the phrase

"Everything happens for a reason"

He is literally the greatest room mate EVER! I feel like a slacker next to him most of the time. I've just been in a rut lately, which isn't an excuse... But he cooks, and cleans, sometimes he makes me lunch, he takes care of my dog... he's amazing. I couldn't have been blessed with a better room mate and friend.



My life is back on track and I have everything under control.

I got my hair cut this morning by the top stylist in my salon. It looks incredible. My color is pretty awesome too. It could use a little more... but i'm going to give it a rest and work on it more later. But I'm VERY blonde and I'm very happy. So that's one thing I can check off of my list! And I will have accomplished my 30lbs down by August 1st. 19 down, 11 more to go :)

It always rains the hardest on the people who deserve the sun.