It's 6am, pacific time. I'm currently in Seattle, WA visiting my best friend Heather. The sun is starting to rise, and the birds have been chirping for the last hour and a half. This city is gorgeous. I can't wait to live here.
I planned this vacation with my x-girlfriend. We were supposed to come up here together and spend time with my best friend, Heather, and her "family" (close friends of family, so close she considers them family), and my other best friend Mario was to join us as well.
We broke up about 3 weeks ago and my life has been a fucking wreck ever since.
We were together about 8 months. We moved way too fast. We did all the typical, stereotypical lesbian shit that I said I'd never do. Fell in love way too fast. Moved in together way too soon. Adopted a couple dogs. Started a little family. We moved way too fast.
And now here I am. Single and miserable.
But I'm not going to throw a pity party for myself. I know life goes on.
It has for her anyway. Apparently she's met her soul mate.
We'll see how long that lasts.
Don't get me wrong, she's a great person. One of the most incredible people I have ever met. And I begged for her to take me back. But, I fucked up. Big time. I broke up with her because I was unhappy and wanted to prove a point in how unhappy I really was. And as soon as I did, she walked away without looking back. Straight into someone else's arms.
I'm a very closed off person. I always have been. Which is why it's really a huge thing for me to keep a blog. Of course I won't post all the juicy details of my life here. But to open myself up to the world... that's scary. I don't like to make myself vulnerable to anyone. Ever. That is why my heart is so shattered right now. I almost opened myself up completely to her. I really thought she was the one. But I've felt this feeling once before, and it's awful. It feels like your chest is caving in and your heart is being lacerated from your chest. All the while your stomach is being wrung out like a wet wash cloth, and you feel your heart begin to slowly become mangled and defiled. And now all I have left is this jagged, mushy, mangled mess that won't fit back into my chest because I haven't figured out how to put all the pieces back together.
But I will.
I'm not a self pitying person. Shit happens. You've just gotta roll with the punches. I've got the breath knocked out of me a few too many times in the last month, but I'm still rolling....
My vacation is over on Monday. I leave Seattle around 6pm and arrive in Houston around Midnight. I'm actually ready to go home. I miss my puppies.
Nalah is mine.
Heidi is Carlee's
They're the sweetest little girls ever. If it weren't for them, and the lease I just signed on my apartment, I would never leave Seattle.
Oh yeah, and my job. I love my job. I'm a hair stylist at one of the number one day spas in Houston. It's amazing. I have great co-workers, and great clients. It's a great work environment. And I absolutely LOVE what I do, so I guess that helps a lot ;p
I'll conclude this post with some pictures from my adventures here in Seattle. It's been awesome. I can't wait to live here!!!!
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